Communication approaches for everyone ― not just entrepreneurs and influencers

You are likely exasperated from seeing advertising on social media for courses on "communication that is guaranteed to make you look totally boss and earn you millions". Rest assured that I cringe sympathetically with you. But earnestly, communication is perhaps the most fundamental skill in the human experience, yet our teaching and practising of it is far from optimal ― so much so that even in my field of work, establishments that claim to value it appear to be suffering. Much of this may seem obvious, but pay attention and you will find it eludes many. This article will not be sensationalism on how to attract the opposite sex or "win the deal". Instead, we will be discussing some major components of quality communication, and pitfalls to avoid. Note in advance that I am not condemning people for making mistakes; we all make them, myself included. I am also not targeting those with illnesses that affect their communication abilities. I am also not suggesting that everyone's communication style should be exactly the same in order to be valid. But we find that in the vast majority of scenarios, these qualities improve communications.

Pay attention to detail

How often do you send communication in writing or verbally, only to have the other person ignore crucial details or not answer all questions? Take the time to notice what the other person has communicated, and if you are responding in writing, focus on each aspect of the message and ensure that it is adequately addressed.

Ask more questions

Too often, we receive messages passively without actually understanding what was communicated, and respond based on assumptions. The result is often responding in a manner inconsistent with the intentions of the person initially communicating.

For example, consider a hypothetical example in which Person A wants to know whether a new service that their firm is now providing is likely to bring the anticipated benefits to the client. They ask: "what is the evidence that this service will actually work?" Person B, who is meant to be answering, launches in to a spiel about how the parties funding the program have indicated that they want evidence of the profit returns from the service, and that the program is designed specifically to generate those returns. Do you understand the problem? Person A defined the program "working" in terms of client benefit; Person B defined it in terms of commercial stakeholder benefit. This elongated conversation could have been avoided if Person B had recognised the intention, or alternatively, recognised the ambiguity and asked for clarity.

An additional utility is in the form of asking about someone's current understanding before attempting to inform them. Even as a professional therapist, I do not assume that a client does not know something specific to psychology; before I conduct education, I ask if they have yet encountered the specific knowledge which we are to discuss. If they already have this knowledge, it avoids me repeating what they already know and making them frustrated by having to listen to a conversation that is longer than it has to be.

It may seem counter-intuitive, but sometimes even asking questions simply to ensure that your understanding was correct is a constructive habit. Often, the original communicator forgets to relay all information, and if you avoid assuming that they communicated everything and instead ask even what may seem obvious questions (within reasonable limits), you may actually prevent mistakes.

Active listening

Active listening simply means to overtly recognise that you have understood what someone has communicated to you. It can involve repeating to someone exactly what they have communicated in an affirmative manner, asking questions that demonstrate that you are attentive to what they communicated and want to know more, summarising a large message, or making a careful interpretation ― and in every case, communicating it overtly so that the other person has a chance to recognise and correct you if necessary. Active listening has a range of benefits. It allows us to ensure that our understanding of a message is accurate, builds trust with the other person, and when done in an empathic manner, actually acts neurologically to help all people involved in the interaction settle any anxiety or stress so that they can think more flexibly and clearly.

Be careful of assumptions and quick judgements

Especially in business, you never know what future relationship you may have with someone and how your communication may help or prevent that. Someone once told me a story of how they were seeking opportunities to speak on radio, and telephoned a particular station to ask if any of their presenters would be interested in having them as a guest. The representative who answered the telephone spoke with them for some time, before asking them where they were located. When the person indicated that they were not in the same vicinity and would not be able to physically attend the studio, the representative exclaimed: "well, how do you expect to speak on radio with us, then?" The teller of this story now speaks on a number of radio stations in different locations of their home nation, using a device called a telephone. If you as a business owner or other stakeholder evidently do not care how someone else interprets your message, also consider why people should want to work with you.

A corollary of this and asking more questions is another pitfall: telling someone what they already know. A fellow therapist told me a story about communicating with an organisation providing a particular type of social support. The representative proceeded to lecture them about how therapy with their particular population worked. That therapist happened to be educated and practiced in that area and did not take kindly to the patronisation. An obvious exception to this is when a professional has been negligent and you are expressing concern about this. I can state wholeheartedly that when seeking therapy, if a professional does not consider your needs, voice your concern; it is our duty to listen.

When we do not consider the audience to whom we are communicating and make assumptions instead, we are creating a number of impressions. One is that we have rehearsed our message, which often suggests that we are simply trying to achieve an agenda and do not actually understand the ideas or context enough to respond to them at will. Another is that we simply like the sound of our own voice, which is not personable. Another is that we do not actually care what information is valuable to the other person.

Present your message well

Especially in writing, present your message as thoughtful. Instead of sending a long series of emails or messages, each about a different idea, consider all the information your recipient will need in advance and present it in one message. Use paragraphs and lists to make the information easy to identify and absorb. Ensure that the message is not ambiguous in any way, and ensure spelling and punctuation are correct (which also helps make the message unambiguous). Not only is this more effective communication logistically, but it also indicates that you care about the other person's convenience.

Structure also matters, especially when the message is long. A helpful structural tool is the "signpost", which indicates at particular points the significance, features, or progress of the message. As an example, this article included the signpost "we will be discussing some major components of quality communication, and pitfalls to avoid" in the introduction, so you know what to expect in the rest of the article and whether it is of interest to you. Each of the titles act as signposts so that you know what information you can expect in the proceeding paragraphs.

Stop interrupting

This needs little discussion. People appreciate when they are allowed to communicate uninhibited, and without interruption that could make them forget what they needed to convey.

Listen to the "spirit" of the message

The "spirit" of the message is the set of core ideas which the communicator is addressing, which closely relates to the message's purpose. It is important to identify the spirit and respond directly to it. A common mistake is to miss the spirit and instead respond to some incidental part of the message, or respond too literally.

Consider an example of the former. Work colleagues A and B are in conflict. A relies on B to communicate information about some new procedures and documentation that have recently been implemented, and does not believe that B has adequately communicated what A must now do to fulfil their duties. A explains to B: "communication on this matter often consists of long threads of messages in which the actual procedure I am expected to follow is presented multiple times in opposing ways. I can not know exactly what I am meant to do. These new requirements are burdensome as they are, but inconsistent communication about them makes them more complicated than is necessary." Here, the spirit is that A wants information about the procedures communicated more efficiently and unambiguously. However, B only notes the mention of the burden of requirements and interprets A's complaint as being about the requirements themselves. B then attempts to explain why the requirements are important, missing the purpose of the message (you may find this unrealistic, but I have witnessed this continually).

Now consider an example of the latter. A parent asks a paediatric psychiatrist why autistic children "behave badly". Here, the parent is referring to events known as "meltdowns", in which an autistic person can not effectively tolerate the intensity of their environment and expresses extreme distress by vocalising loudly, exerting physical force, or recoiling from the activity and separating themselves. Terming behaviour "bad" usually implies that it is within someone's control and that they should be able to discern not to enact it, which is often not the case for an autistic child, so "bad behaviour" is a misnomer. The psychiatrist knows this, but does not recognise that what the parent wants to know is why the behaviour, regardless of the terminology applied, occurs. The psychiatrist replies: "they don't behave badly." The appropriate reply would have been to clarify that the parent was referring to a "meltdown", then explain why the events occur and additionally why the term "bad behaviour" is inaccurate.

The difference between definition, description, and explanation

This is a common cause of confusion. A "definition" is a statement of a most basic concept; "description" states its characteristics, features, or attributes; and "explanation" states how and/or why it operates. All too often, one hears a person attempt to define something by giving examples or describing it, or attempt to explain something but describe it instead.

At the risk of conceit, take this excerpt (Cuturilo, 2025):

"a "narcissist" is an individual who has an exaggerated desire to be noticed and admired, with an accompanying sense of being important, entitled, and lacking in flaws. They will tend to their own interests and needs without regard for those of others, often lying or exaggerating about themselves or others to create a positive impression of themselves, and exploiting others for their own gain. They may satisfy these desires by exerting control over others through manipulation and psychological or physical abuse, while denying the severity or even the truth of their actions. These tendencies are often born of underlying insecurity combined with a lack of empathy."

Now let us deconstruct it:

"a "narcissist" is an individual who has an exaggerated desire to be noticed and admired, with an accompanying sense of being important, entitled, and lacking in flaws."

This is the definition. It includes the concept common to all examples of narcissism. Narcissists may have a large variety of specific thoughts and actions, but they all constitute some variant of this concept.

"They will tend to their own interests and needs without regard for those of others, often lying or exaggerating about themselves or others to create a positive impression of themselves, and exploiting others for their own gain. They may satisfy these desires by exerting control over others through manipulation and psychological or physical abuse, while denying the severity or even the truth of their actions."

This is a description of specific narcissistic behaviours and experiences. They are stated in terms of their qualities. They are separate, but they all are manifestations of the concepts stated in the definition.

"These tendencies are often born of underlying insecurity combined with a lack of empathy."

This is an explanation. It states why a person may come to enact the behaviours.

Communicating each of these components in a logical order and with delineation matters. If we are teaching knowledge to people, separating these components allows a person to first obtain the definition so that they can recognise examples of the concept in a practical rather than academic sense. When they obtain the description, they learn more about the concept and become more competent at recognising examples. By learning the explanation, they learn to work with the concept.

Telephone manners

When I answered the telephone when I worked for others, I would state the name of the organisation and my name. When I leave a voice message, I state the same and the reason for my call, and verbalise my telephone number. If I miss a telephone call from someone who did not leave a voice message, I announce myself similarly and state that I missed the call. I do not assume that the person answering knows who I am. And if I have much to discuss, I state this in advance and ask if the time of the call is suitable for them to speak with me.

In conclusion

Too much of what we have in our contemporary world works against our best interests. Social media, artificial intelligence, trends, time-limited relationships, and similar are too often excused as "progress", when they are actually signs of a problem: that we are being taught to forego conscientiousness and tact for "fun" as a means of pacifying us from the stresses of life, when it is in fact a natural requirement of a healthy mind for us to engage deliberately and pay attention to life. We are designed by nature to have relations with others, and communication is an essential component. Despite what some may believe, communication is not a skill reserved only for the "most intelligent"; that type of elitism implies that only some people are born with a gift for it, and all others are fated to be lacklustre. In fact, most of us can develop these skills with practice, and all of us can improve in some way. Moreover, we should do so and honour that we are all worthy of having better relations with the world.

References

Cuturilo, J. (2025) "The misuse of mental illness-related terms". https://www.yourlistener.com.au/post/the-misuse-of-mental-illness-related-terms

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Thought of the month

As long as one can communicate an idea with words, they speak or write about it literally. When it becomes too complex to communicate with words, they write music for it.