The daily habits that actually make life better (from someone who is not a "wellness influencer")

Forgive me that the title of this article is somewhat cynical. My audience knows how conflicted I feel when I discuss concepts such as "mindset" and "daily habits", due to their association with social media personalities whose claims to fame are that they found the secret to working two hours per day and becoming millionaires. But take it from a therapist who also survived multiple mental illnesses and suicidal episodes: daily habits that may seem insignificant create the most important mental foundation for our functioning. In this article, I will introduce these key concepts.

The importance of mindset

Mental resources, which are necessary for us to function in every way, become stronger when they are exercised, and their utility extends across contexts. They are skills, much like our actions. When recruits undergo basic military training, they are taught to fold their clothes and arrange their equipment in an exact and uniform formation for each inspection. Would that make a difference when they are in the field covered in mud and cuts? Of course not. But the exercise is in mindset. When we practise operating to a certain standard, the ability to meet that standard is more easily utilised to accomplish other goals. These workings are present in the other qualities we are to discuss here.

Attention to detail

It would not be a disaster if a one-sentence text message I sent contained a spelling mistake, I sent an email to a colleague that did not include some details which were relevant but not initially of interest to them, I replaced a needle in my sewing container in the "wrong" section, or I neglected to wipe the top of one door frame when I dusted my home. But I attend to these because of the mental precedent that it sets. When I practise paying attention to detail when it is not critical, my focus is attuned so that I also do so when it is critical.

Discipline

Habits are only effective when we maintain them on a rigorous basis of principled commitment. One of the most common reasons for people not achieving their goals is what they cite as a "lack of motivation": they may take the initial action, then pause due to becoming bored or on some days "not feeling like" maintaining the routine, and via this feel that they have failed and that there is no purpose in continuing. Commonly referred to as a "self-fulfilling prophesy", it occurs because of a phenomenon known as "reciprocal determinism".

Reciprocal determinism was made salient by psychologist Dr. Albert Bandura. It teaches that our thoughts, emotions, actions, and the events in our environments can interact in complex ways to influence how we function. The relationship between these factors is not uni-directional; for example, while our thoughts and emotions influence our actions, our minds also appraise our actions in deciding how to think and feel.

In the context, this means that our actions (not persisting with our goal) contribute to the situation (life not changing), which influences our thoughts and emotions (feeling demotivated because we consequently believe that we are incapable), which influence other actions (not persisting), which maintain the situation (being dissatisfied with life), which continues to exert influence (making us unmotivated to take any action). The solution is not always fun, but it is simple in concept: we do what we must do regardless of how we feel about it. This is the utility of our next quality: routine.

Routine

What we are seldom taught is that structure is one of the most important components necessary for our mind to function optimally. Consider the established institutions in any given society, such as laws, religions, cultures, hierarchies, norms, et cetera. While many of them have been destructive, they have (unfortunately in this case) persisted because they have satisfied a (sometimes unconscious) need for us to have clear and certain standards by which to judge how we should think, feel, and act. Thankfully, there are also plenty that are healthy and critical in our functioning, and we can leverage these for good purposes.

I have a weekly schedule that, within the domains which I can control, specifies what tasks in my personal and professional life are to be completed on each day. I sometimes must change plans for real logistical reasons, but otherwise, I eschew grievances of motivation or convenience and just complete the tasks, and just the tasks that are assigned for that day. I distribute the work across the week so that the tasks do not overwhelm me on a given day. Because the routine is so established, I spend the least time organising the contextual logistics, which maximises the time I have for the meaningful work. By the end of each week, these tasks are done.

Organisation

Being organised is a quality of both action and thought. It means ordering one's physical and mental environment so that it minimises wastage and maximises outcome. It means thinking beyond the immediate situation or literal meaning, to consider consequences, and to evaluate options before acting.

We can be organised by being conscientious and self-reliant. We are punctual and usually only need to have a message communicated once, without needing reminders. We own minimal possessions, but have carefully considered what we acquire, to be able to perform the maximum number of tasks with them. Each of our possessions has a place in our home or office, and they can always be found in that set place. We recycle existing resources before purchasing new ones. Our environment is arranged for easy and safe navigation. When someone makes a request, our immediate response is to identify the details that were not specified, ask clarifying questions, listen carefully to the response, and then deliver exactly what was requested ― or if we can not deliver it, acknowledge why it was not possible. We identify opportunities for learning and seek knowledge ourselves. When we communicate, we consider how our audience will interpret it and craft the message for maximum clarity and effectiveness. This includes knowing that presentation matters.

Gratitude

Being grateful means more than simply trying to mentally thank the universe for what we have (a notion that even I find somewhat obscure). Gratitude signifies practising realistic expectations and honouring what we have with actions. When I care for myself, my home, my family and friends, and my clients, recycle, practise a minimalist lifestyle, and sacrifice instant pleasure for long-term stability and gain, I am not simply achieving healthy outcomes. I am practising gratitude. The underlying attitude is: "I could just as easily not have these privileges, and they make for a considerable quality of life for me. If I do not nurture them, both myself and other people could be at a loss. Why ignore this for 'something greater' when I could nurture it and maintain what I know is beneficial?"

I have witnessed manifestations of those philosophical issues in the workplace. Too many people take their job for granted and do not care about investing effort and passion in to being punctual and producing the best work they possibly can. I suspect many have also fallen subject to the mistake of constantly "chasing the next big thing" in life without having optimised their foundations. They want more wealth, possessions, social status, and self-gratification, without realising that if they do not learn to honour and maintain those amenities in the first place (by being diligent, kind and loyal to significant others, financially responsible, and self-regulated), they could easily lose them and suffer more than when they simply had less or fewer. The answer is to imbue our lifestyle with gratitude by caring for and mastering what we have before we ask for more ― and when we do ask for more, be reasonable.

Excellence

An apparent paradox is that although we can never be perfect and belittling ourselves for this fact is psychologically unhealthy, we limit our potential by not having a level of devotion that could be termed "striving for perfection". The solution is to seek excellence strategically. In every aspect of how we live our lives, we can envision the best reasonable result in detail, consider how to achieve it, and then execute the actions that will lead to it. Part of achieving this is not just in how you execute your tasks themselves, but how you present to yourself and others.

I practise this in how I dress and communicate; my clients, followers, and significant others know me for my relatively traditional formality. None of this signifies that I believe myself to be superior, but rather, my understanding of what my mind needs to maintain its faculties and what other people will translate in to trust that is critical to my relationship with them. By holding myself to high standards, my mind observes the resulting performance and maintains a level of confidence and awareness of my role that keeps it motivated to perform (reciprocal determinism). When other people observe this, even if we do not share the exact same values, they implicitly trust it because they are traditionally associated with trustworthiness. Yes, many of these standards of formality are just "social constructs" that we rather than nature created. They are somewhat arbitrary. But without standards to which to aspire and a narrative that guides our actions, our mind can not perform optimally, and these are not unreasonable standards but ultimately can be the difference between excellent and poor performance. Our mind is that powerful.

If we do not set standards for ourselves and inadvertently fall subject to habits not constructive, our success in life (however that is defined) will suffer. From this, we will develop self-deprecation and apathy, those will become part of our ethos, and we will accept them as being normal, leading us to then behave in accordance with them. When others do not respond well to our resulting attitudes, those responses reinforce our inadvertent beliefs that we are of these qualities. The answer is to seek excellence

Aspire to standards and avoid the "slippery slope"

Aspiring to uphold these values is not simply for the direct outcome that we can produce based on them; having the discipline to maintain them is also how we avoid the "slippery slope" phenomenon. The slippery slope can be defined as the gradual change in how we think, feel, and behave, due to recurring instances of accepting new ideas. It occurs because when deciding how to address a given situation, our minds unconsciously refer to information about similar ones; this often involves an established standard of what is acceptable or expected. When we accept a new standard, we use it in the future when making similar decisions. Hence, if those standards change gradually but constantly, then over time, we may respond in ways significantly different to how we would have some time ago. The immediate consequences of each change are often imperceptibly minor, but after some time they become salient. In itself, this is neither positive nor negative, but a product of how our minds use information to navigate the complexities of life. However, these tendencies often do not function in our best interests, hence we are best served by recognising and attending to them.

Human life is virtuous and we are worthy of helping ourselves and being helped. We can not control all that happens in the world, but we can always strive for personal betterment. And even if we do not achieve all that we desire, we will often be pleasantly surprised at what we can achieve when we strive.